Full disclosure I grew up watching Scooby Doo and loved it and even went on to carry the tradition with my kids, so it gives me no joy to bring this story to you.

Now if you’re like me and grew up watching Scooby Doo, and now are a parent, grand-parent, or something in between, and were looking forward to watching the new Scooby Doo reboot, Velma, you might want to hold off making that decision till you reach the end of this article.

If I were to sum up the reboot, it would go something like this, “Scooby, Scooby Doo, what the hell happened to you?” In Scooby’s defense, he’s nowhere to be seen in this dogpile of doo, doo called Velma.

Now you may be wondering, well it can’t be that bad, I mean have they really strayed from the innocent and beloved cartoon about a group of kids and their talking dog that helps solve mysteries that was created by Hanna-Barbera for children and debuted back in 1969.

Well, "Velma" the prequel, which is the new HBO Max show has a rating of TV-MA for sex, nudity, violence, gore, profanity, and intense scenes, according to IMDb. The main characters are high school students who are about 15 years old, who of course in our woke culture are pushing nude scenes, drugs and the ever beloved LGBTQ agenda, makes you think Disney must have had something to do with this, huh?

The reboot features actress Mindy Kaling as the voice for Velma Dinkley, Dinkley, how ironic.

In case you were worried that the diversity quota wasn’t met, "Velma is South Asian and gay, Daphne is an adopted Asian girl with lesbian cop parents, and Norville, you know Shaggy, is now black." Fred also has been updated for 2023, he’s now the entitled heir to an accessories fortune who turns out to be more than just a vanilla villain when Velma slips him a copy of 'The Feminine Mystique' and inspires his great awakening and new obsession with the gender pay gap.

And as previously mentioned, you won’t see everyone’s beloved, Great Dane, Scooby! Why, well my theory is that it’s because Scooby is a “Great Dane”, given the IQ of the geniuses that produce this shit, they likely figured Scooby was a member of the North Germanic ethnic group that is nationally native to Denmark, which of course made him a white colonialist, imperialist oppressor.

In a preview of things to come, the first episode, kicks off not just with a murdered high school girl, but with her brain cut out of her oozing corpse by a next-level serial killer.

Sounds like quality family time if you’re the Manson’s

Continuing on, In Jedi mind trick like fashion, the premiere starts with two cockroaches boning and then immediately segues to a nude girls’ locker room shower fight between characters having a metatextual argument about premiere episodes using nudity to cynically gain viewers’ attention."

Of course, pandering to the alphabet mafia, Velma, and Daphne kiss in the animated series, and to add a little more edge to Daphne she’s now a drug dealer, sure adds a meaning to “Scooby Snacks” huh?

In case you were worried there was no moral message and great takeaways for your kids, not so, The Chicago Sun-Times revealed a conversation about dealing drugs between Velma and Daphne that goes like this:
Daphne: “According to TV, it’s morally OK to deal drugs if your life is just kind of crappy. Like, your kid’s sick, you’re a widow with a mortgage, you have to live on a lake in Missouri.”
Velma: “Those are all white people, Daphne. Minorities on TV can only deal drugs to escape poverty.”

The Guardian summed up the woke reboot like this, "Against the retro-drippy backdrop, though, Kaling weaves in jokes about the paradoxes that go hand-in-hand with femininity, patriarchy, and power."

The Hollywood Reporter also weighed in on this masterpiece and had the following to say , "'I speak truth without a filter, like every comedian before #MeToo,' declares Velma, never mind that the line doesn’t make a ton of sense coming from a proud feminist teenager in 2023."

For some strange reason, completely unforeseen, Velma's debut this week has been plagued by negative reviews.

Just how bad, well the show has an abysmal 1.8 rating out of 10 on IMDb. On Rotten Tomatoes and further proof that “the critics” not unlike “the experts” have their heads up their assess, "Velma" has a 53% score from said critics and a more realistic 7% rating from the audience.

On a side note, hopefully that 7% doesn’t babysit!