Put that coffee down, coffee is for the elitists! For those of you who’ve seen Glengarry Glenross you’ll get the reference, if you haven’t and are in sales search Alec Baldwin Glengarry Glenross speech it’s amazing.
So, what am I talking about, well in a quest to save the planet, looks like you’re going to have to give up the java juice, that according to a story run by the New York Post, with the apocalyptic headline, “People Should Drink Less Coffee to Combat Climate Change, Study Says.”

Shit just got real huh, now we’ll see who the true environmentalists are. Will it be the 3rd rock from the Sun or the third Frappuccino, that wins out. I already know what some of you are thinking, they’ll have to pry my espresso out of my cold, dead hands. Looks like we might have finally found an issue that will unite moderates on either side of the political spectrum.

According to the Post, this coffee deprived “experts” poured out this explanation:

“Limiting your contribution to climate change requires an adapted diet, and coffee is no exception. Choosing a mode of coffee preparation that emits less GHGs (greenhouse gases) and moderating your consumption are part of the solution,” the researchers at the University of Quebec at Chicoutimi wrote.

To the world yes sadly there are Canadian researchers, but to our defense they are from Quebec, and don’t even speak English, so there! So why are coffee drinkers now in league with “climate change deniers”, for the record I’ve never denied once climate changes, in fact some days’ looking out the window it changes by the hour. Anyways getting back to our story, it’s all tied to, yes you guessed it, the war, Ukraine, no not that one, the other manufactured one, on energy, specifically oil and natural gas as well as fertilizers:

“This mechanization, irrigation and use of nitrous oxide-emitting fertilizers — the production of which requires large quantities of natural gas — greatly contribute to coffee’s carbon footprint,” the researchers said.

This story is another example of useful idiots who spout idiotic ideas, which give birth to even more idiotic ideas. Wait a minute, it just dawned on me that the kind of utopian lifestyle these useful idiots are pushing for is already being lived out, by the Amish. Problem solved, except the Amish are really old fashioned so much so that they not only believe in natural immunity but also believe in that really other old patriarchal notion of work, you know “an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay” so definitely going to be a problem for our “snowflakes!”

However not all is lost, seems like you simply can’t give up the java juice, they did have a recommendation: in terms of what coffee to choose.

“They found that instant coffee was the most environmentally sound!”

Those heathens!

For those of you still asleep and in a stupor about those leading this charge of the cliff, maybe it’s high time you “wake up and smell the coffee” before it’s too late!

https://nypost.com/2023/01/19/people-should-drink-less-coffee-to-combat-climate-change-study-says/